The Complete Poems of A R Ammons, Volume 1 Read online

  me a second wind:

  3460it’s there, I’m sure

  of it, somewhere in the

  mind—another valve to

  open:

  let it open &

  3465fill this tape

  plentifully up: let

  the brim break: tear

  thru surface tension

  to the spring:

  3470the volcano shoots &

  rests, gathering: the

  man shoots &

  gathers: give me

  a continuous, smooth

  3475shooting, rich

  uninterrupted flowing:

  do you want me to

  wrestle & beg, testify

  your absence: I’ve

  3480made a long

  piece of it:

  26 DEC:

  today is bright, warm:

  supposed to go up to 40:

  ice in shade:

  3485sidewalks & walkways

  slippery:

  look what small beach

  animals have made: a

  ruddy bird

  3490with curved beak

  that turns stones

  looking for

  small beach animals!

  (the consumed sustains the

  3495consuming form)

  thought, too, is voracious:

  Berenson sd

  the Gothic arch

  ground three centuries of

  3500design

  into gothic arches: a

  dominant form,

  consuming insistence:

  (here I’m probably

  3505converting the fine,

  shaped,

  differentiated world

  into

  undifferentiated grist)

  3510I devour the sunlight off

  leaves,

  the sound out of jet

  engines, I devour

  the whistle out of

  3515the bird,

  bust his

  guts open

  and devour

  their churning:

  3520where is the

  source?

  I eat the wind, frilly as

  a nap, off the

  mossbeds: I get down

  3525& close-up consume

  the sense of velvet

  off green winter moss:

  my heart eats the shape of

  your face:

  3530tell me, tell one

  moorless in the drift

  of broken forms, who is

  the conceiver who

  will pour this

  3535regurgitated pab

  into the

  transfigured

  saucepans, winejars,

  breadbaskets, garages,

  3540space stations

  of the new time?

  you’ve heard the larva

  chew

  in the wood?

  3545grit, grit, grit,

  metronomic?

  tell me—after

  wood’s passage through

  guts,

  3550who will recall the tree?

  something’s cooking in

  this life!

  can you get on to it?

  (will you need to

  3555be helped off?)

  integrations &

  disintegrations:

  nothing that goes in

  comes out the same

  3560& nothing that comes out

  has ever been the same

  before:

  small beach animals make

  ruddy turnstones &

  3565wood meat makes larvae:

  but where did the

  turnstone

  get the shape

  by which he consumes? &

  3570how

  the larva

  find that special

  form of stridence?

  things are related by

  3575opposition & similarity:

  but the periphery

  vanishes into nothingness,

  the stabilizer:

  interior-ward

  3580is the going in & out

  of shape,

  substance running

  through shapes of itself,

  itself the running:

  3585the container & the

  contained are

  somewhere

  contained by the

  universal noncontainer:

  3590frogs & snakes

  keep the hawk’s shrill

  whistle greased!

  thought jails!

  keep us out!

  3595but

  if we get too free,

  all the way

  into unrelated,

  fractured sensation,

  3600call us back, jail,

  occasionally

  so we can get a good

  night’s sleep:

  since there are feelings

  3605(& thoughts) I can’t

  express

  through the forms of

  society,

  here I make other forms,

  3610play-forms,

  to express them through:

  that’s the center:

  maybe you’re listing with

  hidden passions, too: you

  3615can work

  them off through

  play-shapes, as I

  do:

  use mine:

  3620get all the good

  out of them you can:

  clean up:

  you have to take your

  place

  3625at dinner: make decent

  conversation:

  we have certain forms:

  reality is to accept them

  at face cost & value,

  3630change them

  at peril

  & if you do change them

  stay awake

  all night

  3635wondering what worse forms

  will take their place:

  careful how you go fooling

  around with things: or

  like me

  3640make sure you’re

  fooling:

  fooling takes

  instinct off:

  (it’s nice to

  3645have a good, quiet dinner:

  wonderful to sleep,

  the cop on duty—

  better look out

  before you

  3650get dissatisfied, you may

  be in for a real

  gypping)

  can I have that virgin?

  nope:

  3655why?

  she’s taken:

  who says?

  ’ciety:

  I want her!

  3660sorry:

  I can’t stand it!

  sorry:

  better be careful, bub:

  ever thought of taking

  3665up a little painting?

  ever been

  interested in “expressing”

  yourself in words?

  think you’d like it:

  3670jever think of taking up

  mountain climbing:

  beautiful sport!

  dangle from

  shocking heights, shoot

  3675off at peaks:

  like babes!

  like cool it: run it

  into approved

  channels:

  3680irrigation

  in reverse: run it off:

  lower the pressure

  on the dam:

  nice hobbies?

  3685stead of making that

  married lady with the

  biggies,

  jever think of making

  chairs?

  3690photography is nice:

  sing a song for sweet

  society: keeps

  ballocks in a row,

  where if you can’t

  3695have every gal

  still—obey

  the rules—

  there’s one you can

  have

  3700all
your own

  and nobody can take her

  away from

  you

  or he’ll wind up in

  3705court or behine bars:

  sat simple:

  think you could have one

  of your own

  without not having all the

  3710others?

  see that man’s house?

  I want it:

  you can’t have it:

  why can’t I?

  3715it ain’t yourn:

  why?

  because:

  I’ll take it:

  you can’t:

  3720why can’t I?

  because:

  there is a way:

  get good marks in

  kindergarten &

  3725discipline yourself so

  the teacher likes you

  & praises you & tells the

  whole community how

  wonderful you are:

  3730& on up through college:

  & don’t get in any

  trouble:

  & then invent something or

  start a business, and if it

  3735fails, start another:

  or work your way up

  through

  a corporation: or start

  saving early—invest wisely:

  3740someday you may get

  a house very much

  like that one—you

  may be able to buy

  that very one

  3745if your tastes

  haven’t changed in

  the meantime:

  sheez!

  it’s called “coming to

  3750one’s senses”:

  10:15 pm:

  it’s been a beautiful

  day: warmth

  made the light

  3755glossier: the cedars

  and firs

  stood

  sprung into freedom,

  snowless:

  3760the windy morning

  moved a trillion

  waves & branches:

  streams

  ran clear in the gutters

  3765from opaque

  ice:

  gutters running under

  bright skies,

  silent,

  3770ripples unpeopled

  by raindrops, oiled

  ripples of motion:

  energy

  released from the sun

  3775made the gutters

  run: a fact,

  ordinary & miraculous:

  touch over great

  distance: the cool melt

  3780from a vast,

  frying body:

  that it’s there:

  that we’re here!

  we, dependent,

  3785helpless, doing the best

  we can:

  bacteria multiply by

  simple division:

  changeless transmission:

  3790but also

  they multiply sexually,

  testing conditions

  with mutant

  possibilities:

  3795we must keep the

  tradition &

  modify it

  so we stay resilient to

  change:

  3800too traditional is loss of

  change: too changing is

  loss of meaning & memory:

  27 DEC:

  today is

  cloudy

  3805in several ways:

  details of pain,

  causes of shivering: but

  this must be done:

  it’s fairly warm,

  3810tho—speaking now

  entirely of the weather:

  may rain:

  could turn cold

  enough to snow again

  3815(none of my business)

  I saw the jay

  before breakfast:

  he looked a little

  grimy, gray,

  3820like old blue snow:

  has had rough

  times lately:

  rough times is ordinary,

  will not make

  3825the news:

  the sun, screened dim by

  clouds, enters the room,

  strikes my typewriter,

  throws shadow on

  3830the wall,

  just touches

  the flower-tip of a

  crown-of-thorns branch:

  ecology is my word: tag

  3835me with that: come

  in there:

  you will find yourself

  in a firmless country:

  centers & peripheries

  3840in motion,

  organic,

  interrelations!

  that’s the door: here’s

  the key: come in,

  3845celebrant,

  to one meaning

  that totals my meanings:

  the circular lichen

  spotting the tree

  3850trunk

  is

  like a moral order: there

  is a center

  where with threads the

  3855lichen knits in, the

  “holding-on” point

  that gathers stability

  from bark: and there

  is

  3860the outward multiplication

  of forms (cells & patterns)

  to an unprescribed

  periphery

  that marks the

  3865moment-to-moment edge

  of growth:

  the cougar, big in

  size & appetite,

  ranges widely:

  3870he won’t turn

  a square mile

  into desert:

  travels out into the

  country of his sustenance,

  3875incorporating herds of

  deer

  within his trails

  and how thin

  the tissue of his going

  3880is! one month in

  the northwest of his

  range,

  a month in valleys,

  a month at

  3885higher altitudes:

  he’s adapted to travel:

  it’s not in his

  interest

  to exhaust

  3890the deer population, as

  it’s not our interest

  to exhaust the host earth:

  the predator

  husbands his prey:

  3895at the center,

  the predatory gathering

  of energy done,

  the female drops her litter,

  new seeds of possibility:

  3900new animal-plants

  to take root,

  spread out the wide

  thin tissue

  of life:

  3905tapestries! figures

  overlapping:

  at the dwindling of green

  a percentage of

  aphids begins to be

  3910born with wings: time

  to fly away &

  make trials of new centers:

  ecology out of balance

  turns tilt into

  3915direction:

  when the milkweed

  seed

  rises into the wind

  on down,

  3920the soft beauty

  means conquest:

  let’s establish ourselves,

  send out our tokens:

  as I am I

  3925I will change you,

  drop seeds of myself

  in your ground:

  watch out for me:

  I mean to prevail:

  3930you think of yourself:

  I may welcome some

  thought of yours: I

  may give it ground:

  or I may not yield

  3935to it: I may find

  it lacking,

  not able to survive

  my country,

  & cast it out

  3940as

  already witheredr />
  in potentiality:

  the plains Indians centered

  their lives

  3945on the chase: rooted in

  a moving herd

  of buffalo!

  a center

  stabilized

  3950in instability:

  or the reverse: the

  barnacle

  on a rock, stationary,

  depends on the sea

  3955to bring it food:

  where is the center

  that holds?

  it was the Earth,

  became the sun, then

  3960the center of our

  galaxy (Sagittarius?)

  then farther &

  farther out:

  no

  3965imaginable center: except

  the one

  the lichen makes:

  my other word is

  provisional:

  3970we’ll talk about that

  someday,

  tho you may guess

  the meanings from ecology:

  don’t establish the

  3975boundaries

  first,

  the squares, triangles,

  boxes

  of preconceived

  3980possibility,

  and then

  pour

  life into them, trimming

  off left-over edges,

  3985ending potential:

  let centers

  proliferate

  from

  self-justifying motions!

  3990the box can’t bend

  without breaking:

  but the center-arising

  form

  adapts, tests the

  3995peripheries, draws in,

  finds a new factor,

  utilizes a new method,

  gains a new foothold,

  responds to inner & outer

  4000change:

  28 DEC:

  today

  is dim

  again:

  the sun makes diffuse

  4005shadows

  that go

  in & out

  of focus: