The Complete Poems of A R Ammons, Volume 1 Page 15

  burned since then:

  210but the earth’s been

  “resting”—entering

  a warm

  cycle: the Sumerians

  had not, that long ago,

  215compiled

  their

  holy bundle of

  the elements of civil-

  ization, nor

  220had one city-state stolen

  it from another:

  ten thousand years: how

  many Indians is that,

  fishing the northern

  225coast, marrying, dying?

  coming & going, they

  left no permanent sign

  on the warming

  trend:

  230I hadn’t meant

  such a long prolog: it

  doesn’t seem

  classical to go ahead

  without a plan:

  235wonder what plan

  the Indians had

  10 M years ago: the

  thought defines

  our sphere:

  240why should a world be

  bigger than what a man

  can reach

  and taste and strike &

  burn & hunt & hold?

  245bigger than

  that is metaphysics which

  tho entertaining

  is inedible

  and unsurrendering: what’s

  25010,000 years to us,

  blips on

  radar screens?

  in the blip is all

  imperishable possibility:

  255not unity, not all—

  but the full,

  complete: we can

  in moments have

  that

  260but when we

  surround mind & world

  to say all

  in a single word,

  we kill advantage with

  265the cost of gain:

  can’t we break loose

  and live?

  I wish I had a great

  story to tell: the

  270words then

  could be quiet, as I’m

  trying to make them now—

  immersed in the play

  of events: but

  275I can’t tell a great

  story: if I were

  Odysseus, I couldn’t

  survive

  pulling away from

  280Lestrygonia, 11 of

  12 ships lost

  with 11 crews: I couldn’t

  pull away with

  the joy of one

  285escaped with his life:

  I’d search myself pale

  with

  responsibility, tho I’d

  be in the wrong: that

  290we can’t predict what

  our actions will lead to

  absolves us, tho not

  altogether: we’re held

  to right deeds

  295and best intentions:

  my story is how

  a man comes home

  from haunted

  lands and transformations:

  300it is

  in a way

  a great story:

  but it doesn’t unwind

  into sequence: it stands

  305still

  and stirs

  in itself like

  boiling water

  or hole of maggots: foam

  310or crust

  can rise and

  sweep away into

  event: but not

  much of that:

  315mostly inner resolutions,

  countermotions

  that may work themselves

  out

  into peace,

  320bring the man

  home, to

  acceptance of his place

  and time,

  responsibilities and

  325limitations: I mean

  nothing mythical—

  Odysseus

  wandering in a ghost-deep

  background—I mean only

  330or as much as

  restoration

  which takes many forms &

  meanings:

  but the story, tho

  335contained,

  unwinds on this roll

  with time & event: grows

  like a tapeworm, segment

  by

  340segment: turns

  stream corners: issues

  in low

  silence

  like a snake

  345from its burrow: but

  unwinding and unwound, it

  coils again on

  the floor

  into the unity of its

  350conflicts:

  8 DEC:

  the way I could tell

  today

  that yesterday is dead

  is that

  355the little gray bird

  that sat

  in the empty

  tree

  yesterday is gone:

  360yesterday and

  bird are gone:

  I know there’s no use

  to look

  for either of them, bird

  365running from winter,

  yesterday

  running downstream

  to some ocean-pocket of

  rest

  370whence it may sometime

  come again (changed), new

  as tomorrow:

  how like a gift

  the memory

  375of bird and empty tree!

  how

  precious

  since we may not have

  that configuration

  380again:

  today is full of things,

  so many,

  how can they be managed,

  received and loved

  385in their passing?

  on the bridle path

  this morning

  yellow horse-turds

  glistened

  390with the moisture of

  intestines:

  a purple leaf occupied a

  bush—a dozen kinds of

  lichen on an oak:

  395eelgrass stood straight

  up

  on underwater banks:

  someone told an

  elephant joke: how do

  400you kill a blue elephant?

  with a

  blue-elephant gun: how

  do you kill a white

  elephant? with a

  405white-elephant gun? no,

  you tie a string around

  his trunk and when it

  turns blue

  you shoot him with a

  410blue-elephant gun:

  a little boy said, “Up,

  up,” begging to ride his

  daddy’s shoulders, and the

  morning was warm and

  415winter-bright:

  from completeness

  should one turn away?

  so they drank wine

  and ate meat

  420and slept:

  the shores fled

  under the wind’s weight:

  why does an elephant lie

  on his back? to trip the

  425birds:

  tonight, so

  compressed is

  change,

  we’re having

  430warm weather and windy

  rain: the house, however,

  smells of

  fruitcakes baking and

  merriment curls along the

  435ceiling,

  giggles down the walls,

  and tickles the floor:

  the inexhaustible

  multiplicity & possibility

  440of the surface: while the

  depths are

  generalized into a

  few

  soluble drives,

  445interesting, but to be

  returned from:

  the crust keeps us: the

  volcano-mind

  emits

  450thi
s ribbon of speech,

  smoke & heat

  that held

  would bust the cone off,

  inundate the house

  455with direct melt:

  but let off, there’s

  easing, mind cool, the

  slow accretion of hard

  rock:

  460doesn’t matter how much

  the core shifts

  long as we have these

  islands to live on: we’re

  in a

  465solid, hard, exact world

  that tells all we

  need to know of depth:

  art casts into being, the

  glow-wobbling metal

  470struck by a

  difference of ice:

  both necessary:

  without flow, there’s no

  resource for crust:

  475without ice,

  no sharp steel:

  death is life’s

  prerequisite:

  this is that & that is this

  480& on and on: why can’t

  every thing be just itself?

  what’s the use of the

  vast mental burden

  of correspondence? doesn’t

  485contribute to the things

  resembled:

  except in the mind: except

  in the mind: there’s

  the reality that needs to

  490hold:

  9:35 pm: lightning! what,

  in December? just flashed

  blue-bright and

  thunder, moving slowly

  495and rumbling hard into

  deep bursting depressions,

  went all the way out over

  the Atlantic: now, will

  the ground, shaken

  500loose, turn green,

  loam to new roots?

  the old people say it’s

  a use

  of thunder: but this time

  505of year, the seeds asleep,

  thunder’s sterile

  disturbance runs dreams

  through the meat of the

  future, a prophecy: no,

  510fancy,

  never satisfied with

  wonderless things as

  they are: it’s the

  return of air upon

  515itself, following an

  electrical discharge and

  separation: the grass

  seeds, hanging

  in clumps on soaked stalks,

  520paid no attn &

  thought of nothing:

  wind and rain have

  stopped: the

  thunder was a gigantic

  525period, punched over &

  over: or do I hear now

  a submissive, unwilling

  drizzle?

  sequence: events

  530stalled in their

  occurrence: a

  running with, fleet

  recorder at the crest of

  change: a plane is in

  535this: it rumbles in the

  distance, a chord through

  my circular knowledge: it

  is out in the rain:

  9 DEC:

  sunny again:

  540last night a plane

  over Delaware struck the

  storm

  & 80 lives descended in

  flames: it’s

  545the nature of flame to

  rise, celebrant, spirit

  to whirl upward:

  80

  11111111111111111111111

  55011111111111111111111111

  11111111111111111111111

  11111111111

  and he plucked two men

  and broke fast:

  555grieved, we

  rejoice

  as a man rejoices saved

  from death: we beg

  that men be spared

  560calamity & the hard turn:

  we make an offering of our

  praise: we reaccept:

  our choice is

  gladness:

  565give us an idea!

  let us be sorted out and

  assembled: let a new

  order occur

  from the random &

  570nondescript:

  let thoughts & emotions

  fall behind into rank: or

  return us from all idea to

  undifferentiated

  575sensation—paradise:

  1 pm:

  had the storm last night

  come half a mile farther

  east, it would have

  580taken my roof off and

  wet my poem

  (and my pants): it

  “had a little twister in

  it,” the man at the

  585Esso station said, came

  right up the parkway,

  took off

  his plate-glass windows,

  shattered the

  590outdoor movie’s tall

  wooden marquee,

  took the roof off

  the concession and off

  the Circle Diner and

  595busted a window in

  Kinney’s: “must have been

  a sucker,” he said, “lifted

  oil cans right off the

  shelves”

  600reality last night was

  more than I apprehended:

  is far more today

  than feebleness lets me

  know:

  605wind ruined several dead

  weeds and rain

  de-seeded a lot of grass:

  the cloud patterns

  must have been fine,

  610dark roils

  hidden by rain:

  I wonder what all did

  happen? but

  the record

  615can’t reproduce event:

  even if I could know &

  describe every event, my

  account would

  consume the tape & run

  620on for miles into air:

  those who rely on facts

  have not heard:

  those who rely on

  arrangements—are

  625sometimes unwilling

  to surrender them:

  those who rely on any shore

  foolishly haven’t faced

  it that

  630only the stream is

  reliable: get

  right up next to the

  break between

  what-is-to-be and

  635what-has-been and

  dance like a bubble

  held underwater by water’s

  pouring in: when the grass

  moves on the hill,

  640it’s impossible to tell

  whether it has moved or

  will move:

  my “mind” is trying to

  keep every cell

  645in my body

  happy: yes, it says, we

  understand that you need

  so-and-so but we’re

  temporarily (we hope)

  650out of that and are having

  a substitute manufactured—

  this will be released to

  you as soon as

  possible: be sure to alert

  655your receiving dept: it

  gets an alarm from a group

  of injured or invaded cells:

  we are

  sending several divisions

  660& several kinds of

  divisions to help you:

  and so on:

  catalysts, enzymes &

  membranes, functions,

  665trades & forces, the

  in-coming, out-going:

  this mind that I turn

  outwardly—how thin by

  comparison—

  670the body releases from

  inner concerns and

  gives few commands: get

  food, water, sex: then

  reality brings its

  675interference in


  and the simple outward

  mind, complicated by

  postponements, symbols,

  prerequisites, proofs,

  680nearly loses in

  metaphysics &

  speculations its

  contact with the

  original commands: get

  685food, water: sex

  is put upon you as the lust

  of generations:

  it has been made to

  seem pleasurable

  690but is subservience

  to the cry of flesh to

  endure: the inner

  mind says—do that for

  the cells, for us, and we

  695will free you to the

  pleasures of the

  outer mind:

  get food, get water: sex

  is a fire we send you:

  700quench it into

  generations:

  be brought low of the fire:

  I’ve

  given up hope of

  705understanding for

  what good is

  understanding?

  understanding

  what?

  710the conversion of

  currencies:

  the multiplication tables:

  IQ:

  quantum theory & baby’s

  715formula

  and how to replace the

  shingles & whether to put

  the money in SKF or

  Xerox, and the clauses in

  720insurance plans &

  the “political

  situation”:

  plenty of food & water in

  paradise but some

  725confusion about sex:

  anything so sweet

  should come hard

  as bread & water: so

  they were given the

  730gate: and

  Eden survives in the mind

  as half a solution:

  analyze and project:

  experience teaches

  735but stands to be

  taught:

  4:50 pm: the checker at

  the A & P said

  he was returning from

  740Philly about 9:15 last night

  and saw it: said the sky

  lit up,

  he didn’t know why

  till the radio sd later:

  745said it wasn’t hit by no

  lightning: said

  they have things

  hanging from the wings:

  said

  750he thinks it was

  turbulence, wind

  turbulence—can take a

  plane apart: woman